Is there something in my trunk that belongs to you?
No is the answer
so, why are you following so closely to it is the next question.
Tailgaters are like nosey bullies trying to get in your business on one hand
and force you out of the game, or off the road in this case, at the same time.
They just make me want to go slower.
I’ve been a few places and I’ve seen some things
but I haven’t seen anything like traffic
in the area we call the DMV – DC, MD, and VA.
It is made worse due to the mélange of persons
from ALL of the bad traffic regions of the globe
who have converged upon this one area.
That makes our circulation quite unique.
In addition to the basic non-drivers from other world regions,
we have our own homegrown non-drivers from other states,
plus the non-parkers who don’t seem to realize
the painted lines are not abstract artwork
on a street level tableau.
They actually serve a purpose on a flat surface
we call “parking lot”.
Parking lot – get it?
Lots of people will need to park here
so don’t take up several spaces.
We have the people who don’t understand their turn signals
are also referred to as indicator lights
so they can INDICATE their direction
at the appropriate time to other drivers.
They’re the opposite of the people who simply love
the soothing tick tock sound of their signal lights
so a turn is indicated at EVERY intersection.
My new favorites are the people who can’t manage
to fit their vehicles solidly
in the designated turning lanes
and must kind of hang out in the next lane
as well, thus defeating the purpose
of having a turning lane since now
we all have to wait for the traffic
on the opposite side to clear
before any of us gets to go on our merry way.
These folks are mere millimeters away from my previous favorites
who have to swing the front ends of their cars out
in the direction of your vehicle
before they turn going in the other direction,
into a street with several lanes…
plenty of room.
That was the 1960’s maneuver,
before power steering, when the front seat was a bench.
Really?!
Still?
We have all surely encountered the people who race around every car on the road,
switching from lane to lane at breakneck speeds and unsafe distances,
cutting off countless other drivers just to get to the red light.
I totally get being in a hurry but let me help you with this –
maybe try leaving earlier.
Plus, should you have an accident,
kill someone, or die along the way,
you’re not going to get there on time anyway,
if at all.
I’m just saying…
How about the people who drive in the far right lane
of the highway for their entire journey?
They don’t move over
even when traffic is trying to enter or exit the road
and the transition area is very limited,
particularly at some places on the Washington Beltway (495).
There are four lanes people.
It’s okay to ride in one of the others
and then make your way over to your exit.
That is a legal option.
Exercise it.
Another road hazard group is comprised of those who putter along
in the 40 mile per hour zones
at something like one mile per day.
They are surely beloved by the pedestrians most recently enjoying
the willy-nilly crosswalks popping up daily on streets
where a motorist leasts expect to see them —
in 40 mile per hour zones.
What’s up with that?!
Meanwhile peds, it is still good practice to look
before you leap out into traffic —
That’s plain common sense —
especially if you’re using a crosswalk that may have been freshly added this morning.
Don’t even get me started on the bicyclists who insist
on riding down Beach Drive on weekdays
at 3:30 in traffic
instead of on the path
when the entrance to Rock Creek Parkway closes at 3:45pm.
This is rush hour people!
If you cannot genuinely do 30 mph,
do not ride your bike in 30 mph traffic.
Plus, I know for sure my tax dollars were at work
creating that very smooth bike path which runs
PARALLEL
TO
THE
ROAD.
Hello?!!
Get ON it!
Now, I have been a witness to congress not accomplishing much
in recent history with their obstructionist ways
but it seems to me a national law prohibiting usage of hand held devices
while manipulating a 6,000 pound plus vehicle
could provide a bandwagon with room for everybody on it.
Most states have some rules in effect
but I’m not witnessing high levels of enforcement — are you?
It’s simply amazing some people
are still holding their cell phones to their ears anyway.
Most cars these days allow for calls to come through the radio speakers
but even if that’s not your circumstance,
don’t most phones these days come with a speaker of their own?
Get a headset if that’s not the case.
We won’t totally explore all the other evils of distracted driving
but please, just this one thing:
Check your text messages at the light
– or God Forbid –
go 45 minutes without being instantly available
to people you can’t help while you’re on the road anyway.
What a concept!
You can spend some time with yourself.
Disconnecting can bring you inner peace.
Around the country, the summer months into the fall are tourist season.
Here in DC, the Nation’s Capital,
(a city everyone should see at some point in life
because it’s really beautiful but not all at once please)
we have a year-round tourist season,
but the summer is extra special.
The streets are bombarded with school bus trips.
That isn’t so bad actually.
The tour bus drivers are frequent visitors.
They have routines and know where they’re going, where to park, etc.
The angst comes with the other visitors in their personal vehicles
featuring big family and friends groups chock full of out-of-state drivers
with no clue of where they’re going.
GPS is all the rage and frequently wrong —
to be fair, I’m not that fond of the GPS lady in my car either
as she is occasionally clueless.
I don’t doubt she has relatives
offering a similar level of disservice
in the vehicles of other people,
leading them down streets which don’t exist
or in the opposite direction of where they’d like to go.
Still, pick your moments people!
Rush hour is not the time to be picking your way around any city.
While this was not among my original life goals,
I may become something of a tourist attraction myself as I shout,
“Go home!!”, when I ride past the monuments.
People will be able to check with their friends
over the years to see if they got yelled at
by the crazy lady in DC
screaming from her convertible
somewhere around the Memorial Bridge.
Here’s where the “in the good old days” thing happens —
There are some basic driving maneuvers people do not adhere to anymore.
There are things learned during driver ed class “back in the day”
which may no longer be part of the curriculum.
(Actually, do high school driver ed classes even still exist?
I’m guessing the liability factor will have grown exponentially by now if they do.)
For example, from your position in the driver’s seat,
if you visually line up the center of your hood,
with the curb or right side line of your lane,
you will be traveling in the center of it.
If you line up the left side of your car
with the left line, curb or barrier,
you will be in the center of the lane.
This will keep you in your own lane
and not subject to horn blowing from people behind you.
(Yes, that was me.)
Then, there were some common sense kinds of things taught.
For instance, when you and your friends are following one another,
if the lead car indicates the need for a lane change,
the follow car should make the change first
thus clearing the way and creating free space
for the lead car to occupy.
This will keep you from losing your friends
or having to pull over frequently with your hazards blinking,
adding time and increased annoyance to your travels.
Additionally, the formerly, formally, state taught and accepted way
to make turns at traffic light controlled intersections
was to turn behind the opposite car seeking to turn,
thus giving both drivers the opportunity to proceed
when there was a traffic break, in the direction they wanted to go.
If one hasn’t experienced this, it would be easy to show you in a diagram
but drawings aren’t something readily accessible within this computer program
– so, why bother.
(For those of you who know what I’m talking about,
you’re a driver for real! Perhaps this is no longer the accepted method.
I know for sure it doesn’t happen this way in my neighborhood.)
There are more things in the old-timer driver book
but after this vent I’m kind of thinking, again, why bother?
Now that people have created their own driving methods
and the previous pattern or tradition or way of life has been altered,
it’s difficult to reestablish those things
even if they are the best practices or actually make sense.
Plus, your car and your basement
are pretty much the last two places on earth you can scream out loud
at the top of your lungs whenever you feel like it.
There’s no need to take that away.
Use the offenses provided by other motorists as a form of release.
My buds and I learned to drive on snow covered back roads
in western Pennsylvania, with two options —
either keep it on the road
or end up in the ditches that ran alongside it.
The icy patches went a long way toward
the “pump your brakes and turn in the direction of the slide” lesson
— albeit an impromptu lesson
— one very necessary for life in the Midwest.
People could do with some inclement driver ed in this area too.
The necessity to maneuver during a snowstorm
always seems to be a surprise
even though snowstorms happen here every year.
After formal driver education,
I was fortunate enough to spend some time in the car with my father.
He was masterful behind the wheel.
I can do an entire city block in reverse
just as straight as going forward on it.
I wasn’t sure why that was important at the time
but have adopted the view that being able to drive out of a situation
is more favorable than having to do a k-turn to escape potential peril.
Backing into parking spaces is just a way of life now.
I’d rather run you over than give you twelve extra seconds of me as a target.
If crime really were an option, I would apply for getaway driver.
Periodically, I do drive like an old lady,
but usually only if I have a passenger.
There really is something to a driver shielding themselves
with the rest of the vehicle in the event of an accident.
It’s simply reflex, instinct, to put something
between oneself and oncoming harm.
I’d rather it not be a friend.
Meanwhile, there’s only been a recent departure
from a previously held opinion —
if the major mode of transportation
in your home state or country is not an automobile,
you shouldn’t come to the DMV and drive one right away.
(This applies to residents of Manhattan as well.)
Sometimes people just can’t drive.
It’s just not their area of expertise.
It’s not a cultural thing and
it’s not likely additional driver ed hours will even help at this point.
Ask any Ohioan or Pennsylvanian what they think
about the other state’s license holders.
The same goes for DC, Maryland, and Virginia.
I won’t even open up the wounds between NY and MA
or mention the special Massachusetts nickname.
You can guess.
(Did I just open the wound? sorry…)
It’s no doubt like this wherever a border exists.
Things always seem better on your side, right?
Well, things really are better on my side. Ha!
See you in traffic.
Don’t be in a pop-up crosswalk when I do.