(originally penned in July 2020 during the Covid Pandemic)
One of my best friends’ mom’s died a couple of weeks ago.
She was in the hospital at the time so they couldn’t visit with her, touch her, or hold her hand to help her take that last journey to go meet her husband who was surely waiting for her. He and she were quite the team.
Her devoted daughters and other family members will forever have to live with having had minimal contact with her since the beginning of this pandemic – and believe me when I tell you they are quite a close family which has included others in the fold, just like blood.
If I ever needed backup, that’s who I’d call.
I spent more thanksgiving holidays at their house than I did at my own! I’ve been a fixture since college.
I’ve not been able to hug my friend which pains me.
She was the first person called when my father passed away and she immediately came to the hospital to help me survive what was the most traumatic experience I’ve experienced to date in my entire life.
I was not able to reciprocate, plus the rest of the community that surrounded her family for so many years has not been able to respond in a way that we’d consider normal. On top of that, I was out of town when it happened which negated my involvement. I’m very grateful for her big family so she wouldn’t have to suffer this pain on her own.
I can’t even imagine if I’d had to endure this same atmosphere of aloneness when my dad died.
People I know have lost parents, husbands and friends in the last few weeks, and still others since March. While these were not all Covid infections, my feeling is they’ve all been Covid related, if only for the isolation aspect of what we’re experiencing right now.
Another friend of mine just got word last night that her father who is in residence at a local nursing home has tested positive for Covid and didn’t want to eat anything today. We are praying for the best.
The worst part of it is for several weeks while his family has been unable to visit with him in person, instead having to rely on Skype calls to say hello, he has been thinking they’re mad at him for some reason and that’s why they’re staying away. It’s sad that a group of daddy’s girls can’t offer their father reassurance of their very real love.
As people age their routines become vital. Relationships become paramount. The inability to continue moving about freely or interacting with people in general the same way as before has taken its toll on all of us but particularly the more vulnerable.
Again, I can’t imagine what my dad and I would have done without those final days when we had the chance to laugh and cry and pray and hug and say goodbye.
Some days you find people missing from your life and sometimes they’re people you didn’t even know you’d miss.
A bartender from my sometimes local restaurant Grillmarx, in Olney, MD, died from sickle cell at age 26 and lived his life fully knowing it could end any day even though many of us who interacted with him had no idea. Although he didn’t die from Covid-19, passing during this period surely put some additional level of stress on his loved ones who no doubt had to make out of the ordinary concessions for the disposition of his remains and how they were or were not able to mourn with friends and family.
His picture is up in the bar.
I hadn’t seen him in a while.
I figured his shift and my most recent visits to the restaurant didn’t coincide or he was on a vacation.
Covid adjustments were unpredictable and some people had shorter hours due to the economic downturn.
I was thinking he’d put the photo there himself as a joke to see how long it would take for them to notice because it’s way up high and everybody who works in a place doesn’t always look up from the patron side of the bar (though someone in management at every establishment should regularly take in the views from the other side of the bar to fully understand and appreciate the customer experience – also to see the dust lingering above the heads of the food and drinks which at times I’ve found to be plentiful and disturbing – not at Grillmarx but some other ceilings and high places in restaurants I’ve visited could use some attention – yet I digress…)
I asked about this very personable bartender, who had always treated me so well, and got the sobering news about his passing. He was a very missed part of this group and they needed to honor their loss of his spirit on the team thus the placement of his photo, looking over his work area.
Still, during this period of uncertainty, anyone who is no longer with us, for whatever reason and no matter how long ago they “left”, will be missed in a different way. We have been unable to share time with them the way we would have so we have been robbed of those laughs and that love.
Count your blessings such as they are because every moment is precious.
Give homage to who you can still reach right now because we don’t know who or what may go missing next.